“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” – Psalm 56:3
My eyes opened suddenly as if from a harrowing nightmare. Immediately a barrage of questions began to bounce around inside my head like an out-of-control game of ping pong:
“What am I going to do about . . . . ?”
“How am I going to pay for . . . . ?”
“Did I remember to . . . . ?”
“When am I going to be able to . . . . ?”
I tossed and turned and so desperately wanted to go back to sleep, knowing that I have to be up in a couple of hours, but I had to process. So here I am, writing. Less for you. More for me. Because I know I’ll come back to this place again down the road, needing a reminder that I simply must trust that God knows what He’s doing.
Business is slow right now; its so hot outside. 104 degree temps outside, seem to make a hot cup of coffee less appealing for lots of people.
We are working in a construction zone. Progress is all around us, but its killing us. Work trucks claim virtually every parking spot in front of our shop. Regular Customers get aggravated and drive on by, because of the inconvenience.
I could go on, but I won’t. Its a lean time. And in lean times I generally freak out, thinking “Oh no! What am I not doing?” “Is God punishing me?” And I’ll start begging forgiveness for everything I think I may or may not have done and simply didn’t realize it. I did that at 2:27 this morning, but do you know what happened as I lay in the bed in my cold sweat?
I heard Him whisper a single word, “trust.” Even now the word hovers in this dark room. “Trust.” Its a tough time. Its a scary time. Trust. You can’t see through the fog. God can. Trust. Not everything that happens, that you would say is bad, is a lightening bolt of judgement thrown your way. Sometimes, lean times come for one purpose – trust.
Am I still uncertain? Afraid? Downright scared? Pretty much. But like a warm blanket in a cold room, I wrap myself in the assurance that I can trust Him.
Sleep seems to be drawing close again, so I’ll go lay back down and trust at 2:45 a.m.
~Thanks for letting me vent, and be vulnerable.
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