B E H I N D / T H E / B A R

I saw your picture today. You were in my “memories.” You won’t remember us – but we can never forget you. You came into our life as unexpectedly as you left. I’ll never forget the night at church when your mom walked in from the streets and asked me to pray for you in her belly. We had no clue that six months later we would hold you in our arms and that 9 months after that you would leave us. You were blessed with a family member that wanted to raise you and while we would have loved to have that opportunity, the judge that day said you should go with them. We had three hours to get your things together and for your “sisters” and “brother” to tell you goodbye. We sat in the office waiting on them to arrive and “mom” sang the song that her grandmother taught her, that she had passed along to you. You loved it. Especially the hand motions. 

It felt like a death in the family the day you left our home. People said “at least he’s alive and well and with his family.” But it didn’t feel that way. It felt like we had lost a child and like we couldn’t really grieve openly, publicly – it didn’t seem right. And as for family… we were the only family you knew. 
I drive by your house almost everyday. Oh how I wish we could see you, that you would know us and that we could be part of your life. We miss you. 

But here’s what I know. We wouldn’t change a thing. We were meant to hold you for that short window of time. We were meant to be the only family you knew. We were meant to teach you songs and tell you stories of Gods love for you. We planted seed and that seed will one day grow and you will follow Him. And we will see you again. 

When you left, we wanted to close our hearts, our home and never walk through that kind of pain again. Some folks told us “I could never do that – be a foster parent- it’s too painful” It was. But we realized we didn’t do it for us, we did it for you and others like you and not long after that we held another beautiful gift in our arms and she has turned our world upside down in beautiful ways. I like to think you made it possible for her to come to us. Because….there are (NO A)ccidents.