B E H I N D / T H E / B A R

Today has been a challenging day. The first half of our day was spent in a courtroom, listening to testimonies, drying tears from our eyes, and ultimately walking out in frustration because three hours produced very little direction for one little girl’s future.

I’ve struggled to process all of that today. So, I’ve distracted myself with the hype of the solar eclipse, adventures at Krispy Kreme and baseball practice with my boy. But now I sit here rocking a precious little angel to sleep and my heart aches. Not necessarily for fear that she may leave, I believe she will be with us a long time. But I ache for the realities of the life she was born into. Not just I, but Kristi and I both wept over her birth mom today who said at one point “I’m having a very bad day.” My heart aches for others like this little girl, and others like her birth parents who have made choices that will permanently affect their lives and the lives of their children.

The “system” is so frustrating sometimes. Some people in the “system” get it. They understand the weight of their actions and how they can affect others and then there are others who don’t really get it at all. Who just do a job, fill a role, draw a check with little or no regard for those affected by their actions or inaction. I know I’m being vague, and for the sake of our little one I have to. But tonight I find myself wishing I could do something besides just – waiting. But I can’t and I have to be ok with that.

We have a song, Kristi and I do, that speaks to us in this season. It simply says “Take courage my soul, He’s in the waiting.” He IS in the waiting. So as I sit here and process, and decompress from the day, I pray:

Abba – I want so desperately to yell in frustration, to say what I’m feeling to people involved in our saga that seem to be so careless. But Father – I can’t. No, your asking me to simply wait, and while I wait to seek you. So Father – help me to hold tightly to your hand as we remain- in the waiting.